some words for how i feel today.

squint your eyes & look closer,

i'm not between you & your ambition

i am a poster girl with no poster,

i am 32 flavors & then some.

and i'm beyond your peripheral vision so you might want to turn your head.

Because someday you're gonna get hungry & eat all of the words you just said..

..and god help you if you are a phoenix,

and you dare to rise up from the ash.

a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy,

while you are just.. flying past.

i never tried to give my life meaning by demeaning you,

and i would like to state for the record,

i did everything that i could do.

i'm not saying that i am a saint, i just don't wanna live that way.

no, i will never be a saint, but i will always say.

squint your eyes & look closer.

i'm not between you & your ambition,

i am a poster girl with no poster,

I am 32 flavors & then some.

- ani difranco

[and even though this is from a journal of mine that is nearly two years old, the words seem to fit again today.]

Muscles tighten against yours
sheets tangle in
fumbling hands as -
we discover why our hearts
just ache
so absolutely.

Cheek to chest we
lie
in our marriage bed
figuring where we lost
ourselves or -
just where we lost
one
another.

And although i cannot
place my
wife.mother.girl.
finger exactly upon it,
your heart

[thud thud.]

beats and -

i just wish
this war would
end.