A thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy, while you are just flying past..

things are looking up. [finally.]

and soon soon soon i should have a new piece to post.

i can not be more excited! :)

i don't like my edges rounded off.

I'm gonna turn
and walk away
you can wait
til I am far along
then run and come
and catch my arm
and say you'd die
if I were gone
I want to hear you
call my name
it's too easy
just to say it soft
I don't like my language
watered down
I don't like my edges
rounded off

I can't always wait
for your circumstance to improve
love is loose it
shifts each time you move
go ahead, put my back
against the wall
give it all up
or don't give it to me at all
you never know this could be
our last night
so step back
step back into the light
so I can see your sillouette
I'm not done looking yet

- ani difranco

Today, i gave Patrick an ultimatum. I am usually not one for ultimatums, but i can't do this anymore. If he doesn't spill the beans to Dr. Sarah tomorrow, this won't end well. And it could get really messy. i can't keep just keepin on. I hate to say it's getting too hard, but it honestly, is.

Tomorrow should be pivotal. and if it isn't, then we aren't either.

---

And God help you if you are Phoenix.

and you dare to rise up from the ash.

a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy

while you (i am) just flying past..

one more for today.

Oh why you look so sad
The tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don’t be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
Cause I’ve seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you

So if you're mad get mad
Don’t hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide
I get angry too
Well I’m a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
Cause even if you're wrong

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in into you darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you

--

i know this is so cliche. i don't really care. i'm currently bawling my eyes out listening to it.

some words for how i feel today.

squint your eyes & look closer,

i'm not between you & your ambition

i am a poster girl with no poster,

i am 32 flavors & then some.

and i'm beyond your peripheral vision so you might want to turn your head.

Because someday you're gonna get hungry & eat all of the words you just said..

..and god help you if you are a phoenix,

and you dare to rise up from the ash.

a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy,

while you are just.. flying past.

i never tried to give my life meaning by demeaning you,

and i would like to state for the record,

i did everything that i could do.

i'm not saying that i am a saint, i just don't wanna live that way.

no, i will never be a saint, but i will always say.

squint your eyes & look closer.

i'm not between you & your ambition,

i am a poster girl with no poster,

I am 32 flavors & then some.

- ani difranco

[and even though this is from a journal of mine that is nearly two years old, the words seem to fit again today.]

Muscles tighten against yours
sheets tangle in
fumbling hands as -
we discover why our hearts
just ache
so absolutely.

Cheek to chest we
lie
in our marriage bed
figuring where we lost
ourselves or -
just where we lost
one
another.

And although i cannot
place my
wife.mother.girl.
finger exactly upon it,
your heart

[thud thud.]

beats and -

i just wish
this war would
end.